"age is just a number, the change depends on the inside of you"
// shannon //
Yet another year has gone by for me as I turn 21 with my sister (we're twins) this 2019. It has been fun being 20, but I guess its' time to move on and be 21 - adulthood I assume. I'm writing this on 11.11 just because I felt that it's a suitable time to do some reflection on turning 21.
Honestly, being 21 doesn't feel any different but just a change of its number. I still feel loved by my closest friends, family and God; I still feel lost on what I wanna do LOL and I still don't feel myself being any mature as I watch my favorite animation movies, Disney movies and not knowing much about how the outside world is completely. Nothing has really changed for me personally. But I guess I have to say I did change in terms of personality wise, my confidence and my sense of fashion, my mindset, my taste of music & my thoughts on life.
People do change I guess, as my thoughts on first loves, careers, confidence are being changed drastically. Loving first ain't nothing wrong about it, but ending it first ain't nothing wrong about it too. Being lost on what you want to do in the future ain't nothing wrong of, finding and realizing what you want to do at the age of 25 ain't nothing wrong of too. Not having the fullest confidence ain't nothing wrong with it & being over-confidence with yourself ain't nothing wrong with it as well. It's a matter of whether to accept it yourself or not. It's being open-minded about it and accepting the reality that somehow appears right in front of you and inside of you.
Not only it changes my mindset but being 20 for a year has thought me so much things that I never would have expect to learn in every possible way. I learned how to get over broken things, to be confident with whatever I try 'new', to trust in God that He will guide me with my career. Also, to overcome stressful moments, anxious moments and to learn to love myself more than usual. I do pity myself for not loving myself earlier and right now, I'm learning to love myself even more after realizing it's REALLY important; step by step towards a full self-love so that I can feel comfortable and confident with whatever I wear, act and find interest in.
I also always thought to myself, when will I ever feel like I finally achieve something worth mentioning to the world? Well, I still haven't really found the answer to that yet but it's okay I guess. It was something I find it unanswered. But I can say the times when I was 20; it was awesome, sad, pain, loved & contented and it is all thanks to the people who were there for me in the past and some till now who supported and have loved & still love me throughout my darkest moments and brightest moments. You know who you are guys haha. thank you guys from the very bottom of my heart. Being 20 is an achievement because of you lovely people! :)
I guess, being 21 won't be THAT scary as what people would fear. I wouldn't think of it as a step of 'adulthood' and 'being mature about stuff'. Instead, I would think of it as a 'learning curve' for me, a new beginning, a same old me who only wants to be herself everyday & a continuation of my search of life, career and confidence. :)
If you're ever reading this sentence now; thanks for reading my blogs up till the end; I really do appreciate that despite the hiatus I've taken multiple times from blogging. I'll still blog, but not much as I am indeed in search of my 'true calling' and what I wanna do in life. I do hope you readers will continue to read my blog as I try to write whenever I can.
Sincerely, Shannon
*all images shot by @iamthewei_
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