What do YOU wanna do really?

A confused state she is in now,

and still keeps her smile on,

bright like a star shining,

because she believes.

- by Shannon -

Hey y'all, it's me again; Shannon with another reflection post that I'd like to write. If you're ever wondering what are these reflection posts category is really for - It's actually a corner that I pour my heart out to write my inner thoughts and also to share with y'all who are feeling the same way as I do so that you won't feel that you are alone and that it's okay to feel that way and also share a few tips on how I stay positive despite how complicated these feelings are. Well, today is one of those days I guess.

For the past few years, I've changed my ambition from one to another. From being an artist, a guitarist, an air stewardess, journalist and now, a blogger and a part time modelling career. As you can see, they are mostly all on the artsy side (maybe not for stewardess).

Truthfully speaking, I REALLY got no idea what I wanna do in the future; for the past 20 years of my life and soon to be 21 this November.

What about you? What do you wanna do? Probably you already have what you wanna do in the future; a model, a hotel manager, a normal office worker, to start your own company, etc. I can say that I respect y'all who already had it figured all out so fast. Other than just respect, I think 'envy' is the word to describe more because I never really had something I really wanna do in life. I just maintained that love hate relationship I have with the careers I think I wanna become.

ANYWAY, I do LOVE writing, posing and taking pictures (well, mostly writing and taking pictures). BUT the funny thing is, I can't figure out which one of them are the ones that I'm potentially in. Weird and funny right? Oh well, I guess that's how life goes. I still do have this ambitious feeling towards being an air stewardess and a blogger AND a part time modelling career. LOL You and I can already see how complicated this blog is going to get. BUT no worries! Imma try my best to sort this out in proper paragraphs and vocabulary that I can think of and best describe what I really feel now.

If you are feeling confused, envy of other's careers, nervous and always questioning about what you are going to do after you graduate; I'm here to say it's okay. It's REALLY okay to feel that you're lost right now. It's okay to feel that you're useless sometimes just because you still can't figure out what you really wanna do in your future even if it's you being a 24 or 27 that is going to hit 30. Because, all of those feelings will be rewarded once you figure them all out. It may take some time (or maybe longer) to be able to find what you wanna do BUT I can promise you that you'll be able to find it someway or another. Well, that's how I make myself feel comforted each time I doubt myself whether I can find what I wanna do before I graduate in 2020 April.

I do believe that everyone of us are destined to find out what we wanna do in the future; just like destined partners finally reunite after a few failed relationships. Every one of each will have to go through challenges and doubts that might make them crumble down in minutes a few times and more till they reach their true happiness. Obviously, who doesn't wants a smooth journey towards your true love and destined career right? I definitely wish for that to happen every single day but as what every quote says on the internet; "life is a roller coaster ride" where you have to go for the thrilling ups and downs to get to the safest and happiest finish line. We gotta accept that for a fact.

That's why, I'm writing to say 'do not worry' and that you'll find 'yourself' soon enough so be patient and live your current life vibrantly and meaningfully with kindness so that you have no regrets. You may be clumsy or blur like me, but it's going to be okay, because we definitely have something that we know we are good at now. So use those current good skills now like you have always been doing and improve them along the way because who knows that great mini skills you have can bring help to yourself right? It might even be a big stepping stone towards what you really wanna do ahead. Don't worry about the future, so do what you want now: write if you wanna write, pose if you wanna pose, take pictures if you wanna take pictures, and just look forward.